The hit TV show Bargain Hunt found itself in the middle of a plot to avert Armageddon yesterday when the seven sacred knives of Meggido made a tidy profit of 38 pounds at an auction in Leicestershire.

Home Secretary David Blunkett has been forced to tone down a recent terrorist warning after admitting that it may have gone too far.

The warning, code-named 'Die Any Day Now', was immediately criticised for scaring the living daylights out of the general public, as this extract clearly demonstrates:

"Maybe Al Qaeda will try to develop a so-called dirty bomb, or some kind of satellite that can destroy nuclear weapons, or maybe they will try to use oil tankers that swallow submarines, or skis rather than planes. They might even use voodoo. The bottom line is that we haven't got a f**king clue. However, we've accounted for just about any possibility with the implementation of the following measures:

• the tightening of aviation security just in case they get one of those Airships like Zorin had.

• continued legislation against Secret Ice Palaces.

• the introduction of ejector seats into all security service vehicles.

• a substantial increase in efforts devoted to getting that laser beam in the watch to work."

As the amount of supplementary material on DVDs increases with each high-profile release it is taking longer and longer to actually sit down and watch the whole package. Up to now the record has been held by the Shrek Special Edition which takes eleven bloody hours to sit through. But that was before the Region 1 Special Edition DVD of Men in Black II which will contain so many extras that to watch them all will take longer than the average human lifetime.

This 14-disc box set includes the film itself in anamorphic widescreen, pan-and scan, letterbox, full-screen and ITV. Each of these has anything up to 18 commentaries by the director, the stars, the costume designer, the special effects men, the dog handler, the caterer and the Assistant to Mr Smith.

Also included on the discs are: every single unused take of every single shot (twice); 4,128 behind-the-scenes photographs; a complete record of every piece of advertising material used for every release in every country in the world; book-length biographical notes on the director, the stars, the costume designer, the special effects men, the dog handler, the caterer and the Assistant to Mr Smith. Plus - a hidden easter egg will feature Rip Torn singing the entirety of Iolanthe by himself, including real-time costume changes.

Babylon 5 fans are up in arms over the latest cock-up from the technical bods over at Warner Bros who promised that they'd finally get it right and release the show in a proper 16:9 widescreen format for the release of Season 1 on DVD. The reality (see below) was somewhat different.

"I made this" - JMS introduces
his magnum opus

Within seconds of launching the first DVD viewers were horrified to discover that JMS' introduction to the series spared him from the humiliation of looking the fans directly in the eye, but then it got worse, as Bill Phreak from Der-Ver-Der.com explains: "It's just sloppy. The episode 'And the Sky Full of Stars' suffers the most, resulting in moments where elements have been stretched so thin they are almost at breaking point - and that's just the plot."

'Babylon Squared' - the way
it was meant to be seen

If you simply can't afford it, or if your Nan has bought it for you for Christmas and you're not allowed to buy it yourself, or if you are still waiting for Play to ship it, then here's what you can expect to find when you finally get your grubby little paws on Episode 2 on DVD:

The Film: Ever heard of the expression "shit with sugar on"?

The Commentaries: Marvel as George explains the finer points of negotiating with Sony over camera lenses, while McCallum pontificates on whether hiring 27 technicians for 12 months made better financial sense than getting Frank Oz in for an afternoon.

Documentary: "From Puppets to Pixels" - a 52 minute look at George's experiences of working with Ewan McGregor and his subsequent attempts to turn him into a fully-CGI model for this film. Outstanding moment: George makes Ewan say "Och Aye! Attack of the Clones is a lovely title."

OK, now make him say "George is the greatest
director that I've ever worked for"

Beneath the Beard: Hilarious 'mockumentary' in which the likes of Speilberg, Coppolla and Dreyfuss pretend that George Lucas is really human.

Deleted Scenes: Eight scenes full of plot and characterisation but which got in the way of all that cool CGI. These include: 'Anakin Pops a Zit Using the Force', 'Padme Costume Change No.27', 'More Talking Bits' and the unforgettable 'Yoda Confesses to Suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome'.

Out-takes Reel: Laugh yourself silly at many of the out-takes from the making of the film. Guffaw as a matte painter uses the wrong shade of red! Roll on the floor as George catches an animator using a 'George is a Bender' text-scroll as a screen-saver. Chuckle as another geek gets repetitive strain injury from making Yoda's ear twitch imperceptibly. Hold in your sides as a member of ILM spills Dr Pepper on his Willow mousemat. And much, much more!

Trailers: A trip back in time to a moment of innocence when you thought "yeah, this might be OK after all."

A former Doctor Who actor responsible for shepherding in a new age of sci-fi television has died at the age of 67, it has been revealed by the BBC.

William Hartnell, fondly remembered by many for his portrayal of a cantankerous old time-traveller, suffered a number of strokes before passing away on 23rd April, 1975.