Foreign Secretary Jack Straw has confirmed that he gave General Musharraf a VHS copy of Threads during a recent diplomatic mission aimed at calming tensions between India and Pakistan.

The horrific BBC docu-drama which depicts a nuclear attack on Sheffield was given to the Pakistani leader in a concerted effort to "scare the living crap out of him," explained a spokesperson for the Foreign Ministry.

This comes only two weeks after an attempt with The War Game resulted in the accidental screening of a Patrick Troughton Dr Who snozzearama which threatened to spiral into nuclear war, if only to alleviate the boredom.

"Threads was a last ditch attempt," said Tony Blair downwind yesterday. "I remember being appalled when I watched it back in 1984, especially that bit with the sheep. If this doesn't stop them from pushing the button, nothing will."

A fan in Minnesota who downloaded a SVCD copy of Star Wars Episode 3, years ahead of its official release date, has been arrested for being "a clever bastard".

Billy Clarinet (15) claims to have downloaded the movie by accident after a freak time eddy interfaced with his AOL connection, allowing him to view films that haven't even been made yet. "I was just curious," said Billy. "It was a choice between downloading Star Wars 3 or Stuart Little 4. It was a tough call, and ultimately the wrong one."

Oliver Stone is set to direct an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer which will focus on answering the question "How in God's name did Warren manage to shoot Tara like that???"

The episode entitled The Warren Commission is said to blow the gaff on the infamous 90 degree bullet which has divided fans. "The nerd wasn't even aiming," said a forlorn Oliver Stone. "The bullet's trajectory is as believable as Spike's cockney accent."

Oliver Stone's conspiracy napkin

BBC chiefs have announced that a complete run of every single Doctor Who episode will herald the start of the corporation's plans to celebrate the show's 40th anniversary in 2003.

Beginning on Saturday January 4th at 5.35pm, with episode 1 of An Unearthly Child, the series will run until episode 3 of The Daleks some 9 weeks later (with 2 weeks being taken up by snooker coverage).

"A complete run of Doctor Who is something we have always wanted to do here at BBC2," said spokesperson Garry Trestletable. "Hopefully it will bring the series to a new band of loyal followers and their wallets."

When it was pointed out that the "complete" run only consisted of the first seven episodes, and that it stopped halfway through the second story, Mr. Trestletable said "No, it doesn't".

Rick McCallum has promised the 'Ultimate Star Wars Experience' when Episode 2 is released on DVD later this year. "We want to recreate the whole cinema-going experience," he said smugly.

The 2 disc set begins with a four hour car journey across various American highways in an attempt to simulate the arduous journey to get to one of the few theaters in the country that is equipped with digital projection and THX sound. This journey will be accompanied by a tinny version of the Star Wars theme playing through a pair of car speakers and will be punctuated by the odd "Are we there yet?"

Disc 2 presents the entire film in "theatrerama" mode which places the viewer in the middle of Mann's Chinese Theatre. Marvel as the crowd sniggers during the love scene, grow indignant as a plastic lightsaber is waved in front of your face during a pivotal moment, and cringe as someone behind you unsuccessfully tries to open a packet of M&M's really, really quietly.

With Attack of the Clones still wowing audiences when they see the size of the queues, this summer is shaping up to be a veritable smorgasbord of sci-fi finger treats. Which one have you booked your tickets for?

Spiderman: You'll believe a man can eat a fly! Gasp in amazement as your friendly neighbourhood webslinger hurtles through New York so fast it's impossible to tell whether they deleted the World Trade Center or not! Features Willem DeFoe as the Green Goblin, who previously appeared in an episode of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers as the Green Bastard.

Scooby Doo: It looks like a dog, it moves like a dog - it must be a dog! It's just a shame you can't say the same thing about the CGI hero who looks and moves like a constipated clothes horse.

Men in Black 2: The audience is memory-wiped so that the same jokes from the first film can be trotted out again.

Following the news that Dame Judy Dench has walked off the set of the next Bond movie, fans were shocked to hear that the artist Tracey Emin will step into her shoes as Bond's boss.

Paramount Pictures have announced that the next series of the popular TV SF show Enterprise will be made in a handy microwaveable format. Now fans will be able to enjoy the wonders of the universe every minute of the day!

The Russian space agency have rejected 'N Sync star Lance Bass' bid to become a space tourist on a forthcoming mission to the International Space Station.

Bass, who recently underwent surgery to correct an irregular dancebeat to ensure his place on the mission, is said to be devastated. "First Star Wars and now this!" he cried.