Fans of J. Michael Straczynski (Babylon 5, The Real Ghostbusters, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe) were left in a state of total confusion last week when his latest TV series, Jeremiah, managed to complete its first season without being canceled.

News that JMS had succeeded in making a moderately successful TV series sent shockwaves throughout fandom. "What in Valen's name are we supposed to do now?" asked bewildered fan G'Xananarama. "I had my Save Jeremiah website all ready to go the second the show was axed. Now I don't know what to do!"

A fan-based letter writing campaign to Showtime has already begun.

"We've got the names and addresses of all the right studio executives to harass. Together, we can sink this bitch," said an anonymous fan. "Once the show is dead we can start a new letter writing campaign to get the show saved. It's a bit of a round-about way of doing things, but I had 5000 Save Jeremiah bumper stickers printed up before they shot the pilot and I've got to get rid of them somehow."

BUFFY YEAR ONE

Buffy the Vampire Slayer returns for a seventh season which creator Joss Whedon has christened "Buffy Year One". At first we thought we must have misread the 7 as a 1 but details about the new season prove otherwise.

After downloading the teaser trailer for the new Star Trek: Nemesis movie this week, 26 year old computer programmer Gary Jones from South London was horrified when his girlfriend of six months spotted the trailer on his monitor and announced that it "looked rather good".

Things quickly went from bad to even worse when Joanne, who usually steers well clear of her boyfriend's SF interests, went so far as to enquire when the movie was coming out.

The prospect of having to take his new girlfriend to see a Star Trek movie brings back unpleasant memories for Gary, who took his previous partner to see Star Trek: Insurrection and was promptly dumped the following day. "Frankly, I wish she'd caught me surfing for porn," he said.

BBC 2 have finally begun broadcasting their controversial new documentary series, a hard-hitting expose of the truth behind the police's hunt to track down and prosecute the country's sci-fi loving geeks.

It reveals how thousands of anoraks operate secretly within the country, often under the cover of perfectly respectable occupations such as journalism or television and radio production, and examines how the internet is constantly being abused.

"With access to the internet, anoraks feel they can distribute fuzzy screengrabs and copyright-infringing fan fiction without the threat of getting caught," explained Chief Superintendent Spatula. "They hide this aspect of their lives from their family and friends but there is a whole subculture of these weirdoes, ready to strike within any area, any street."

Cameras will follow the search for one long-time suspected anorak, who was unable to be named for legal reasons but was referred to by the codename 'Gordon Geeko'.

Rumours that the BBC are on their hands and knees begging the makers of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to tell them how to cobble together a half-decent television show became hard fact yesterday when the BBC admitted that talks with Buffy producer David Fury had indeed taken place.

"David has been incredibly helpful," said BBC spokesperson Sue Brainlesscowinatrousersuit. "He told us that to be successful in the current climate we would need to spend large amounts of money on sets, actors and scripts. It's a whacky departure for us, but hey, he knows best!"

Fuzzy Faced Movie Mussolini George Lucas will be 'adjusting' the Star Wars films in his original trilogy to bring them into line with the new episodes.

"We're using new film process called 'making the films shit'" said Lucas. "It's a new process we discovered just before The Phantom Menace, which involves filming 'shit' actors against the backdrop of a 'shit' script, which is then spliced together using 'shit' editing".

MISSING 'DR WHO' FOOTAGE FOUND

Approximately 18 seconds of William Hartnell coughing and spluttering have been found in a basement in New Zealand. The BBC have announced that the footage will be rush released onto DVD immediately.

9am: Woke up early and had some Tea.

10am: Drove Tea to the ante natal clinic with "Pampers Wearing Man" and then I came back and checked my answer phone messages - nothing doing. Watched E! repeat just in case.

10:23am: Rang Agent. No answer. Found a great to share with you. It is very useful.

11:01am: Rang phone company to check that my phone is still working. They told me that it works fine but I still can't hear it ringing so something must be wrong.

11:03am: Change battery on mobile phone. It still isn't receiving any calls! It must be a conspiracy.

12:04pm: Felt at a loose end so I took some photographs of myself with a teacup on my genitals because it reminds me of Tea. Felt sad. Watched CNN. Felt even sadder - no mention of the next X-Files motion picture in whole goddamned entertainment report.

2:05pm Tea arrives home with "Pampers Wearing Man". She bounces him on my knee and then we have that arguement about responisibilities and bread winning again.

3:37pm David Caruso swings by for a chat. It seems that his phone is playing up too.

4pm: I suddenly hit upon the idea of using my mobile phone to call my home phone and vicera versa, but something must be wrong because both phones rang OK. It must be something to do with the range...